Understanding the Inner Child – Part One

THE INNER CHILD

These notes are here if you desire to dive deeper into the mental realm. There are also optional exercises included here that can support your process. 

REMEMBER however! This is an invitation to choose from the smorgasbord of resources here - the things that feel most exciting and pleasurable. This is NOT a list of things to 'achieve'. If you want to explore the theory, do it because it feels interesting and exciting. Yes, there is gold here, but it is NOT essential.  If it starts feeling like hard work, stick to your own embodied process, and follow your bliss. 

The Wound 

Remember, this will look slightly different for everyone. The following notes are cues only. Your process is unique to you. 
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• Often strongly repressed in older/oldest siblings. Ability to play. 
• As a baby -  needs may have been resented, feelings unwelcome, abandonment.
• As a child - may have been shamed. Told to be a“big girl’.
• Playfulness & exuberance - experienced as 'too much.'
• Broken trust. Forced to grow up too fast.
  
  

This manifests as: 

Fierce independence. Shame around neediness. Takes self very seriously. Sensitive to criticism. Craves approval & external validation. Difficulties with trust & opening up. Needs alcohol/drugs to loosen up and have fun. Can be an exhibitionist. Doesn’t cry easily or deeply. Difficulty asking for help/support. Dreads ‘being a burden’. Mania. Tension in the body - particularly when happy/excited. Impatient. Poor/excessive impulse control. Envy/jealousy.

HOT TIP: Use touch to anchor yourself through this process. This is the foundation of the attachment relationship.

What the Inner Child needs in order to feel safe & integrate:

• No false promises
• Empathy and deep presence
• Listening without judgement
• Slow, gentle relationship building
• Space to express her deepest, most uncomfortable feelings.  

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Affirmations

• I am safe
• I trust myself
• I am lovable
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The Integrated Inner Child

Incredible playfulness and joy. Freedom and spontaneity. Vivid imagination & creativity. Euphoria. Excitement about Life. Awareness of feelings and needs.  A sense of potential and limitlessness. Openness and trust. 

Facing the Shadow

Notice which of the following qualities trigger you. Consider taking the time to sit with these from a space of love and embrace them as part of full spectrum of humanness. If you feel intense resistance to this, even better. There is powerful healing here for you. Remember, what we don't own, owns us. 

Inner Child Shadow Qualities

Silly, Over-the-top, Disgusting/Gross, Immature, Erratic, Naive, Foolish, Selfish, Inconsiderate, Thoughtless, Careless. 

Exercises 

• Visualise holding your Inner Child in your arms. Gently rock her and let her know you are here for you. She may need to cry, or tell you about her pain. Listen without interrupting, and bring your loving presence to her process.  
• Connect with areas of tension in your body (neck, shoulders, lower back etc). Instead of poking and prodding the tension in an attempt to release it, try nursing it. Gently stroke that part of your body. Sing a a lullaby to it. Let it know that you welcome it, exactly as it is, and that it's safe to let go. Journal about your experience.
   

Journal Questions

• How safe does my Inner Child feel in my body right now? Why/why not? 
• What things can I do that would help her to feel safer and more loved? 
• What intentions would I like to set for my ATFW journey & my Inner Child journey?
  
  

Assignment

Create an alter to your Inner Child as a way of creating space for her and creating awareness of her in your life.