Understanding the Lover – Part One

Lesson 25 Chapter 3 Module 5

The Lover

This section is full of potential for you to pick and choose from. There are exercises, journal questions, affirmations and a deeper dive into the psychology of each archetype. As you explore this space, let a sense of lightness and curiosity guide you. Remember, there is nothing to achieve here. Let your exploration be gentle and playful, and enjoy the ride!

The Wound:

As well as governing our sexual expression, The Lover governs our capacity to feel passionate about our work, & projects & connect sensually with life.
This wound usually kicks in during the Oedipal Phase of development (3-5 years of age) when the first wave of sexual energy awakens within us.
Most parents are uninformed and ill equipped to handle this perfectly normal energetic process, whereby the child begins to experiment with their own creative energy - and often becomes more sensual in the process.
When a safe container isn’t held for the child, offering loving limits without shame, the Lover energy becomes distorted.

This manifests as:

Sexual & creative blocks. Disconnection from self. Fatigue. Lack of meaning. Life feels ‘heavy’. Wants/desires very little or experiences shame around wanting/insatiable desire. Low libido - or high libido with very surface level connections. Promiscuity/chastity. Disgust towards more primal forms of sexual connection. Intentionally exaggerates downplays appearance & sensuality. Struggles with intimacy. Strong mental energy - more ‘head’ than ‘body’. Dis-empowered. Dis-associative. Strong career focus.

Facing the Shadow:

Notice which of the following qualities trigger you. Particularly those things that, if said publicly (true or untrue) would leave you feeling mortified. These are the qualities that may have been shamed in you. This is your chance to hold them in a place of unconditional Love.

Lover Shadow Qualities:

Sloppy, Slutty, Frigid, Shut down, Anal, Nervous, Closed, Self absorbed, Cocky, Over the top, Gross, Shameful.

This is big stuff. Take a moment to breathe into it. You are beautiful. Completely and unconditionally. Beautiful. It's time to reclaim that. It's time to choose a different experience and create something that matches your vision. It's time to let yourself experience the incredible Love that can be a part of your Life.

What the Lover needs in order to feel safe:

A strong Huntress foundation - cultivating trust in self and clear boundaries
Unconditional Self Love - saying 'no' to the voices of shame.
A willingness to be with, and move through discomfort
A welcoming of pleasurable sensation
A willingness to be deeply responsive (as opposed to reactive) in our lives.

By planting these seeds and creating space for her, we welcome her into our bodies. She is safe to be open and in flow. Safe to unfold when the time is right.

Affirmations

I am sensual, sexy and beautiful
I know my 'yes' and my 'no'
Everything I do, I do with great Love.

When integrated, the Lover offers us:

Deep sensual connection with life. Increased pleasure and satisfaction. Balanced, healthy sexual expression. Improved communication. A deep sense of inner authority and power. Magnetism and Radiance. A profound sense of intimacy and connection with others. Enormous flow of abundance. Creative drive.

In addition, we can experience:

A loving relationship with all feeling/experience
Responsive relaxation
Healthy Interdependence
Self-validated intimacy
Life as a sensual playground

Exercises:

Connect with your nipples. Sit quietly for a moment and sense their shape. Place your focus and attention into where they meet your clothes or the air around them. Notice the sensations that you experience when you bring your energy into this part of your body.

Listening with Love. Take a moment to connect with this underlying truth. At the deepest level, anything that anyone ever does can generally come down to an attempt to communicate one of two things. Please, or Thank You. I have, or I need. This dichotomy of having and needing drives so much human behaviour, and to truly see the behaviour of another through that lens, sets both you and them, free.

Assignment:

Practice some deeply honouring self-pleasure. This doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual. Gently massage your body, belly or hands. Focus on gifting yourself pleasure - rather than trying to drag it out of your body. Explore what this loving relationship with yourself brings up.
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